Sour Face Tell All

I’ve noticed something rather worrisome lately. You know that person you sit across from on the subway during your morning commute? Or the woman at the coffee shop? Yeah… that one who looks perpetually pissed off at the world?

I think I’m that person.

I’ll be reading on the couch (a rare treat these days that I completely relish) and dear hubby will ask me, with complete concern, if everything is okay. What follows goes like this:

Me: “Uhm… yeah. I’m reading. Why?”

Hubby: “Well, you look a little upset.”

Me: “No. I’m reading. I’m actually doing pretty good.”

Hubby: “Are you sure you’re not upset about something?”

Me: “No. Should I be?”

Hubby: “Really, you can tell me if something’s bothering you?”

This exchange will continue for about five minutes, at the end of which, I really am upset that I’ve been grilled about something that I should be upset about but have no idea what, but I know I wasn’t and he was sure I was, and now we’re fighting instead of me reading on the couch in peace. (Did I mention I don’t get very many opportunities to do that lately?)

It’s struck me, that I have a “rest face” that’s rather negative looking at the best, bitchy at the worst. Yes, “bitchy rest face” is a thing. Just check it out. 

I don’t know how it happened or when. Maybe it’s the mother-in-law I don’t get along with. Maybe it’s the two small kids that are draining my energy. Either way, I always look, well… down.

I remember thinking this about my grandmother. Even when I was young, I noted that her “rest face” always had a downturned mouth. I couldn’t help but think that there was something bothering her. That she wasn’t happy about life.

It wasn’t until I was much older, and she had passed, that I started to truly understand how hard her knocks in life were. At the end of WWII, when she was 20 years old, she took her one year old daughter (my aunt), her aging mother, and a cart full of belongings and headed out for Western Europe, where my grandfather was in a POW camp somehwere. She didn’t even know where, just that it was West.

Then she moved to Canada and started all over. Again. She was a notorious back-stabber and was always trying to one-up her friends. She was a queen manipulator and held a masters degree in guilt trip delivery. All things that I was (thankfully) oblivious to as a child.

So, I understand that she’s had a lot to be unhappy about as far as her life turning out the way she wanted it to.

But, then I start thinking of my own life. My generation has been relatively lucky in growing up in society where there haven’t been any major upheavals, here in the Great White North. While Canada has taken part in peacekeeping missions in the Balkans, Africa, and the Middle East, war is a distant concept. We have relative security.

Money has been tight, but we’ve always had a roof over our heads and hot meals on our table three times a day.

I have people I love and people who love me in return.

I am lucky.

Sure, life hasn’t exactly happened the way I thought it would. I’ve always floundered a little when it comes to having a “career”. I met the man of my dreams when I was 13 and spent the next 13 years fooling around before I realized that he was the One. Then, in all honesty, our family started comepletly by accident. Yup. Planned for sure, just not right then. And that caused me a lot of grief.

And that aforementioned mother-in-law? Well, now that we’re no longer living under the same roof, things are getting better. She still likes to make her little “comments” and I’m still learning to let things go, but we’re trying to move forward.

So, while, I’m sure I can come up with a ton of reasons to explain my sour puss rest face, the bottom line is I don’t really care anymore. I cant change how other people perceive me, but I can change how I choose to encounter the world.

And it’s really so easy to take on a positive look on life. And you don’t have to make these huge sweeping changes, either.

You start at the very beginning.

So here are my quick actions that I’m going to do on a daily basis.

1. When I see an opportunity to be kind to someone, I’ll take it. Today, this meant letting a car turn in front of us while we were walking home from the park. So simple, but I got a smile out of the driver and you could see he appreciated it.

2. Find opportunities to thank my children fro their contributions in our household. They’re only 3 and 1, but the way my son looks when I thank him for his help, when I truly acknowledge his contirubutions, is amazing.

3. Do one small thing for my husband everyday. Something that he wouldn’t expect. Today, I think I’ll mix up some

massage oil for his aching shoulder and give him some massage loving.

What small steps do you take to stay positive?

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Channeling some Village Zen

When I lived in Hungary and had the opportunity to learn folk dance from some amazing teachers. I started to notice that there were two schools of thought out there.

The first group was into learning a dance style to an almost ridiculous level of precision. These were the dancers who poured over archive footage and learned everything they could about a given region, a village, even a specific dancer’s steps.

Their “dance vocabulary” was insane. You could have filled a book with the number of different dance moves they knew.

Honestly, I felt a little intimidated by these dancers.

If I went to a táncház, I felt like I was doing something wrong if my steps didn’t specifically match the particular village’s music. Think dancing Szentbenedeki to Magyarózdi music – it’s all Küküllő to me.

Then there was the other crowd who said “Yeah, learn a dance, but really live it and make it your own”. Ok. This sounds a little more my style.

So, I joined a group with teachers that I really liked and got down to the business of learning. I checked out those archive videos, but took it all with a grain of salt. After all, I’m not from said village, I’m never going to dance like XY néni.

But, these teachers kept on telling me that I was concentrating too hard and that I was all tensed up. And what the heck did they mean by “living” a dance?

Then I got out of town and travelled to as many places as I could. 

The first time I went to the week long dance and music camp in Gyimes, I was blown away. I finally got it. Sure, I wasn’t a local yokel, but for the first time ever, I felt like I was dancing! That there was more here than just steps and following your partner.

I’ll never forget dancing with one gentleman from Gyimesfelsőlok. He was a little older, maybe late 50s. A little shabby looking compared to all the big city campers.

I’ll be honest, I was a little népi buzi star struck.

I mean, in one way, this is what we dream of right? To dance with a helybeli, a hagyományörző… an adatközlő! (think dancing with your favourite celebrity that no one else has ever heard of).

He’d dance for a bit, then he’d rest a bit, look around, and then start up again. This continued for the entire dance.

But it was so simple. I didn’t care what my feet were doing anymore, I just moved. I was lost in my own thoughts, in my partner and in everything happening around me. For once, I wasn’t thinking about embarrassing myself in front of my host family when they laughed at my hand-wash laundry skills. Or about what time I’d have to wake up the next morning to hitch a ride to the community centre where the lessons were held.

My brain shut off. And it was awesome.

I didn’t even realize that we did the most basic of steps all night. The same 3-4 steps. all. night. long.

I call this the Village Zen, because it really is a lot like meditating. You feel refreshed and back in focus when you leave your partner.

So why this long story?

Well, sitting here, I’m surrounded by the mess a three month old and a two year old generate. Getting frustrated that nothing is getting crossed off my to do list. My son’s birthday party is just over the horizon followed by the holiday season and I haven’t started party planning. Looking at my stack of recipes of “cool mama” treats and recipes I want to try and feeling like I’m failing as a mom because my two year old is throwing another screaming fit.

I love this blog, but finding time to actually do the work that I want to do to make it successful is darn hard! I need to carve out some time to do some good ol’ research. How am I ever going to get all this done?

I’m reminded that I just need to stop. Stop trying to live up to the archive footage (ahem… Pinterest) of the supermom doing this most amazing ugrós, dancing from one project to another, all while maintaining a pristine house and volunteering to lead a mommy group for us crazy, frizzled moms.

What I really need, is to pick three or four things that I’m good at, that make me feel happy and that make my family happy. I need to forget about tripping over my feet and just feel everything happening around me.

There is a dance that each of us does every single day. Sometimes, we have people we share that dance with, and we need to learn to dance with them and not just around them.

So, time to turn on some music and dance with the kiddos. After all, they make the best dance partners…

What about you?

Have you ever felt that Zen moment while dancing? Where were you and what were you dancing? What reminds you to slow down in your every day life? Let us know in the comments below!

Wha’ Happened? – aka why it’s been ages since a post…

You caught us slacking on the job…

Well, actually. We were kinda busy. More on that below.

But I can’t believe it’s the 2nd of October.

That’s just one month shy of being a year since I last wrote. Crikey.

I look back at how our family has grown and changed in the last year, and how little I’ve worked on my beloved blog, and I feel pretty pooped. But then again there have been major changes.

Out on our own

We (finally) moved out of my mother-in-law’s home to a nice little two bedroom apartment back in March/April. It’s a cozy little place and we still have boxes in the corner that need to be unpacked, but for the most part, we’re settled. There are parks nearby for the kiddo, and we’re no more than 15 minutes from all our regular activities and work.

So, what happened between November and March, you ask? The usual pre- and post holiday shenanigans. Christmas party overload followed by New Year’s resolutions that are broken by the end of February. Then there was the other big news…

Then we had a baby!

Yuppers! Aranka Sarolta made her appearance on July 18 at four something in the morning. I say “four something” because I still don’t know exactly. But, boy was it an unplanned party! And Zsombi slept through the whole thing (thank God!). More on that story in a future post.

So, now that Babuka (baby) is two months old already, we’re slowly getting our groove back. And that’s when we really realized just how broke we are. So, this mama turns back to her blog. I’ll be honest, I have big plans for this blog and I need it to make money if I want to keep investing time in this.

Here’s a quick visual of the past year:

So, what’s next?

Well, since babies are still very much on the brain here, I’ve got a series planned about being preggo in the golden days before tv, internet, and walk-in clinics. Back when birthing was a women’s thing and your mothers, sisters and neighbours were the ones helping you out and you likely had your baby at home.

I’ll also let you in on how we’re helping Little Z get accustomed to his new sister and how I’m dealing with being at home with an (almost) three year old and a baby (bang head against wall here). I’ll also be updating our Facebook page and winding up the Pinterest.

I’m also working on some new designs for jewellery, but I have a feeling that it’ll be a while before I carve some time out to make anything. As for all my other business ideas? Well, my biggest challenge right now is accepting that I’m not a supermom who can do everything all at once. So, baby steps for now!

What about you?

Is there something folk  you’ve always wanted to know about? Is there some long lost craft you’ve always wanted to learn? How do you and you’re family deal with major life changes? Let me know in the comments below. Who knows, maybe it’ll turn into a blog post down the line!

An Ode to Frozen Peas

They’re round and froggy green. They have a tendency to roll off your plate. They can be sweet like summer or starchy – the perfect winter food. You can buy them fresh, but most people go frozen.

They are peas. And they are my friends.

For the mom of a picky eater (what toddler isn’t), they are a Godsend. Little Z pretty much eschews all meat, unless we can get creative with some dipping sauce. And even then you run the danger of said sauce becoming more enticing than the meat. Watching your toddler try and drink the dipping sauce instead of the meat it’s supposed to “enhance” is my top food related frustration.

And yes, drink. The whole bowl.

But have no fear! Peas are here!

Peas are a great source of vegetarian protein, so much so, that I’ve noticed many protein powders and shakes out there have begun using them. They are rich in vitamins C and K, manganese, and have pretty good Omega-3 fats to boot. They help regulate blood sugar, too, because their high fiber and protein ratios slow down how fast sugars are digested.

While fresh is always best, most frozen peas have been harvested at optimal ripeness and flash frozen, so you still get great bang for your buck when fresh is unavailable.

And what about  that good ol’ bag of frozen peas in your freezer? As any mama knows – best ice pack in the world. We even have a some frozen peas in a small baggie for kiddie size boo-boos.

And did you know that Canada is the largest producer of peas in the world? O Canada! Our home and native peas!

Peas please!

And then there’s the other night. They definitely saved my sanity when Little Z couldn’t fall asleep after a nightmare. We tried everything to get him to nod off again. Bupkis. That’s when he decided that 2 am was the best time for a snack and there was no talking him out of it. (You try arguing with a 21 month old when you’re barely awake!)

He took one bite of everything offered and refused more. That’s when this mama clued in and remembered the bag of  peas in the freezer.

Snack for the little man. Sleep for mama. Peas for all!

Time to get your crazy on!

What a week!

I’ve gone and done it again. I’ve taken on too much, and in response, I completely shut down over the long Labour Day weekend. There was so much going on last week and in the next coming weeks that I don’t know which way is up.

We’re looking for a new place to live, Little Z has been working on some molars so there’s been little sleep the past week, some exciting, yet scary personal changes came to light, and we took off to visit a much loved friend at his cottage with some of our folk buddies. Only once I was happily ensconced on a blanket by the lake, with a good book, good friends, and my family around me, did I realize that I completely forgot to work on this week’s Weekend Links and set the Folk Calendar I wanted to start in September in motion!

Ooops!

But the weekend was well worth it. I polished off the second book in the Game of Thrones series, got to spend some times with friends I’ve barely seen all summer, had some great new experiences with Little Z in the wilds of cottage country. And now… I’m no longer the fire-breathing dragon lady. I’m now the patient praying mantis, about to strike at it’s next prey.

So, while things are still going to get a little crazy in the near future, I have a few blog posts that I’ve been working on that I (hopefully) will be able to post shortly.

Wish me luck!

How do you deal with stress? Any apartment hunting with small children tips?

 

A day for thinking…

Today, I’m thinking of all the big events that are happening in my life and in my friends’ lives right now. Little Z is just over a year and a half old, and we are hardcore into potty training. What a big change for him, to go from the comfort and convenience of diapers, the only thing he’s known since birth, to a cold, hard plastic potty. And it’s just not happening. I feel like I don’t have the time to devote to him and to stay by his side so that he clues in on what’s happening, before “it” happens. It makes me feel like I’m also missing out on this time.

I’m thinking of my friend, who’s getting married in Hungary tomorrow. What a huge turning point in one’s life to devote yourself to another human being, let alone all the planning that goes into pulling off a wedding. I hope all their wishes and dreams come true, not just on their wedding day, but in their life together.

I’m thinking of two of our friends who live nearby. Their little boy just celebrated his six month birthday. I haven’t seen him in so long – apparently he’s huge! I feel like we should be in closer contact with them. We’ve completely lost touch with them and there are so many stories we could share! Little Z should be growing up with Little M as a playmate.

I’m thinking of friends of ours who recently became a family of five! Our house is full of chaos with only one little munchkin, how are they doing it with three kids? How are the older two taking to their new little sister? I hope they’re adjusting and not losing too much sleep while still taking the time to enjoy each other.

I’m thinking of my girlfriend from college. New hubby, new house, and baby on the way all within the last six months! We (almost) share the same birthday and really, we only see each other around August each year to catch up and exchange presents. Now that they’ve moved to the next town over, I’m kicking myself in the butt that I didn’t get together with them while they lived just up the street.

Big changes.

In my inbox this morning was a moving article from Megan at Simple Mom, using the metaphor of “molting” from one skin to another to describe how we shed our old selves as we move through life’s profound changes (It seems that whatever is going on in my life, Simple Mom always posts a very relevant article that makes me stop and reflect). What kind of new creature is going to emerge once we all shed off the skins of our lives up to this point? What will this new wife or new mommy look like? How will she be stronger?

So on this day, as I escape from home for a few hours to sip my Starbucks and browse through the library without a toddler who likes to pull all the books off the shelves, I think of all my friends, whether they are married, have kids, or just a really rambunctious dog named Domi. I wish them all time to sit down, take a step back and recognize just how awesome they all are as they take a closer look at this new creature that’s taking flight.

Cifra Tábor – or how I met Hubby

Hungarian folk dance camp anyone?

Yes, I am a folk nut. My family is full of folk nuts. Then along came Cifra Tábor, and we are well on our way to passing along our folk nuttiness to the next generation.

My family has been heavily involved in a Hungarian folk dance camp for the past 22 years. My aunt was the first administrator. My uncle kept the kitchen stocked. I attended the camp as a kid. My mom ran the crafts. My step-dad fixed anything that broke. I became a counselor when I was old enough. And now, I run the administrative leg of the camp.

This one time, at dance camp…

The camp has been a huge part of my life over the past two decades and I hope it will still be around when Little Z is old enough. But most importantly, it’s where I met Hubby. We were 13 or 14 (there’s still some debate here over which year exactly we met) and there was one person who stood out from the rest. Unfortunately, it wasn’t Hubby, it was his best friend.

It was teenage summer love that we tried to keep going during the “off season”, even though he lived in Toronto and I lived in St. Catharines, about an hour and a half away – quite a distance when you’re a kid. He wrote me letters, I wrote back. This was before email, but even then, we wrote regularly every week. He even sent me some cheesy poems and the last half of his chocolate bar once so we could “share” long distance. Hey, it was romantic at the time.

Well, turns out, Hubby was the one who helped him write those cheesy poems, even though he had a crush on me himself.

As usually happens with these teenage summer loves, the distance was too much and we lost touch.

During my first year in college, it turned out that a guy who lived a floor under me knew a Hungarian guy. Well, damned if it wasn’t Hubby.

Then when I was in college, I ran into Hubby again when he joined the dance group I was with in Toronto. He’s a folk dance nut, too. But again, it wasn’t meant to be. I was dating someone else at the time and he became interested in one of my friends.

Fast forward again another 6 or so years, and we happened to both come out to that same old camp again. Bazinga! It felt like I’d been zapped by some weird force when I saw Hubby that night. I had an uncontrollable urge to touch him, talk to him, sit next to him. I still don’t know why then and not why all those previous times. We’ve been together since.

How did you meet your significant other? Any other juicy dance camp memories?

Musical Monday with Csík Zenekar

Oh man, what a weekend… And not in a good way either. I managed to catch a scratchy throat two days before we headed to the recording studio last Wednesday with Ungro Rom. Trying to sing with a sore throat is not something I’d recommend.

Unfortunately, Little Z was next in line. He spent the weekend attached to me at the hip and wasn’t satisfied being out of my line of sight unless he was watching YouTube videos with Grandma. All the things I planned to get done this weekend will have to wait until he’s better. Hopefully tomorrow will be the day.

In the mean time, a little something to cheer myself up. Monday’s around here are usually blah (although not this bad…), so I’m starting a tradition: Musical Mondays. No TV, no YouTube (the kiddo loves to watch folk songs that have been animated), just some funky folk music to get us going.

The house is quieted down, so today’s pick is a playlist including some mellow music by Hungary’s Csík Zenekar.  I really some Jani’s mellow voice. Add in some of the more contemporary things they’ve been doing in the past few years, and it’s just what I need right now.