I’ve noticed something rather worrisome lately. You know that person you sit across from on the subway during your morning commute? Or the woman at the coffee shop? Yeah… that one who looks perpetually pissed off at the world?
I think I’m that person.
I’ll be reading on the couch (a rare treat these days that I completely relish) and dear hubby will ask me, with complete concern, if everything is okay. What follows goes like this:
Me: “Uhm… yeah. I’m reading. Why?”
Hubby: “Well, you look a little upset.”
Me: “No. I’m reading. I’m actually doing pretty good.”
Hubby: “Are you sure you’re not upset about something?”
Me: “No. Should I be?”
Hubby: “Really, you can tell me if something’s bothering you?”
This exchange will continue for about five minutes, at the end of which, I really am upset that I’ve been grilled about something that I should be upset about but have no idea what, but I know I wasn’t and he was sure I was, and now we’re fighting instead of me reading on the couch in peace. (Did I mention I don’t get very many opportunities to do that lately?)
It’s struck me, that I have a “rest face” that’s rather negative looking at the best, bitchy at the worst. Yes, “bitchy rest face” is a thing. Just check it out.
I don’t know how it happened or when. Maybe it’s the mother-in-law I don’t get along with. Maybe it’s the two small kids that are draining my energy. Either way, I always look, well… down.
I remember thinking this about my grandmother. Even when I was young, I noted that her “rest face” always had a downturned mouth. I couldn’t help but think that there was something bothering her. That she wasn’t happy about life.
It wasn’t until I was much older, and she had passed, that I started to truly understand how hard her knocks in life were. At the end of WWII, when she was 20 years old, she took her one year old daughter (my aunt), her aging mother, and a cart full of belongings and headed out for Western Europe, where my grandfather was in a POW camp somehwere. She didn’t even know where, just that it was West.
Then she moved to Canada and started all over. Again. She was a notorious back-stabber and was always trying to one-up her friends. She was a queen manipulator and held a masters degree in guilt trip delivery. All things that I was (thankfully) oblivious to as a child.
So, I understand that she’s had a lot to be unhappy about as far as her life turning out the way she wanted it to.
But, then I start thinking of my own life. My generation has been relatively lucky in growing up in society where there haven’t been any major upheavals, here in the Great White North. While Canada has taken part in peacekeeping missions in the Balkans, Africa, and the Middle East, war is a distant concept. We have relative security.
Money has been tight, but we’ve always had a roof over our heads and hot meals on our table three times a day.
I have people I love and people who love me in return.
I am lucky.
Sure, life hasn’t exactly happened the way I thought it would. I’ve always floundered a little when it comes to having a “career”. I met the man of my dreams when I was 13 and spent the next 13 years fooling around before I realized that he was the One. Then, in all honesty, our family started comepletly by accident. Yup. Planned for sure, just not right then. And that caused me a lot of grief.
And that aforementioned mother-in-law? Well, now that we’re no longer living under the same roof, things are getting better. She still likes to make her little “comments” and I’m still learning to let things go, but we’re trying to move forward.
So, while, I’m sure I can come up with a ton of reasons to explain my sour puss rest face, the bottom line is I don’t really care anymore. I cant change how other people perceive me, but I can change how I choose to encounter the world.
And it’s really so easy to take on a positive look on life. And you don’t have to make these huge sweeping changes, either.
You start at the very beginning.
So here are my quick actions that I’m going to do on a daily basis.
1. When I see an opportunity to be kind to someone, I’ll take it. Today, this meant letting a car turn in front of us while we were walking home from the park. So simple, but I got a smile out of the driver and you could see he appreciated it.
2. Find opportunities to thank my children fro their contributions in our household. They’re only 3 and 1, but the way my son looks when I thank him for his help, when I truly acknowledge his contirubutions, is amazing.
3. Do one small thing for my husband everyday. Something that he wouldn’t expect. Today, I think I’ll mix up some
massage oil for his aching shoulder and give him some massage loving.
What small steps do you take to stay positive?
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Foundling Folk 